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A robust, life-enhancing EVENT

There was a time in this country when retailers held “sales.” There are no more “sales.” There are “events.” I do not know where the sales went, possibly to visit grandma and got eaten by a big bad wolf. I believe it happened at about the same time “robust” replaced “strong” and “improve” gave way to “enhance.”

It offends my ears to see “Labor Day Event” in a newspaper or television ad. It sounds like the reference should be to a track meet. I have robust objections to such abusive language. The language could be greatly enhanced if fewer euphemisms were used by advertisers. I might even find closure. And why, “find closure”? It’s not as though I lost it. Moreover,   if there is closure, was it preceded by openure? Surely openure precedes closure just as cases opened are then closed, thus resulting in open and closure cases, which were once open and shut. But one cannot find closure when already shut. That would be “shuture,” as in shuture face.

There once was a very good word used before “closure” reared its offensive head. It was used well and often, with resolve and often with resolution. If only we could return to those golden days of yesteryear. Or is it yesterure?

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